I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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