Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
