I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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