Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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