Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
