I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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