I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize