i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
