i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
