bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
