Ambien. No doubt about it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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