the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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