please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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