he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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