There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Houston, we have a blender
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
