just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
