so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
