He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
