just come out here and I will go home with you...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
