my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
