Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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