It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
