I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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