I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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