I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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