Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
