I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am one with the molecules
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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