Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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