I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
