how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont even know how to be here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
