non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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