I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
