If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
