Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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