are you so shy because you have an std?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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