he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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