So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
