i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
