dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
