If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
