no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
