is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
