just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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