NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
