Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
