We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
