And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
