all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
