Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she woke up with a sticky ear
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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