Welp...herpes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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