i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
