i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
