if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
