Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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