I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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