Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You need a sexual gate keeper
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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