Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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