I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
