you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize