Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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