You smell like stripper and shame
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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