i think i have two assholes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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