I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is my gift to your gina
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
