I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
