we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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