grandma shit on top of the toilet
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
