i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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