Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
